Screenplay re-draft

I decided that I wasn't happy with my screenplay, so have made some major changes to it. I have made it much more simple, both in terms of narrative and the practicalities of filming. I have made it much less ambiguous and have opted more for a straight forward horror narrative. I didn't feel that I would particularly enjoy filming the first draft, which I think is important as you need to have enthusiasm for the work you're creating.


Here is the new draft of my screenplay (the formatting has been messed up a bit):

INt. bathroom, night

We open in an empty bathroom. The room has a sense of quiet unease about it. There is a deafening silence in the room, broken only by the slow, steady dripping of a tap.

A girl, BETH, walks into the bathroom. She appears to be in her late teens and is wearing pyjamas.

She picks up a tube of toothpaste and squeezes it onto her toothbrush. Just as she lifts the brush to her mouth, she looks in the mirror and spots something on her cheek. She puts down the toothbrush and looks closer. There's a small streak of what appears to be a sticky, red substance. As we cut to a reverse shot of her face, we see that it only appears to be on her face in the mirror.

She runs her thumb over the mark and looks at her thumb, but none of the stuff appears to have wiped off. She picks up a cloth and wipes the surface of the mirror and turns her head from side to side to see if it's just a stain on the glass, but the streak remains. She takes a make-up remover pad and wipes at it, but to no avail. Giving up, Beth sighs and walks out of the room.

INt. Corridor, night

She walks down the corridor and into her bedroom.

Int. Bedroom, night

Once she enters her bedroom, Beth climbs into bed. She puts her phone down on the bedside table and is about to turn off the lamp sitting next to it, when she spots something in her reflection in the full-body mirror at the other end of the room. The substance is still there, but the stain appears to be larger than before

Annoyed, yet curious, she gets out of bed and moves closer to the mirror to examine her face more closely. What was at first a small streak has grown, and the red substance is now covering a large portion of her cheek. She picks up a tissue and scrubs at her face furiously. As she scrubs, more of the substance seems to materialize from beneath the tissue, covering more and more of her face. When she stops scrubbing, she looks in horror to see that it's is covering the whole lower-half of her face. Blood. Beth can feel her heart rate rising.

She turns away from the mirror for a moment, trying to think what is going on.She pinches herself in the hope that this is all a dream, but she remains standing there, in her bedroom. She turns back to the mirror, but quickly notices something different. The blood remains on her face, but now there is something else present. A figure stands behind her. The figure of a girl - she looks young, about the same age as Beth, but with a pale face, piercing eyes and blood dripping from her mouth. Beth shrieks and turns around, but as she looks towards the spot behind her where the girl was, she sees nothing.

2.

Beth turns back towards the mirror and is horrified to see that the girl is still behind her, but closer now. She turns around once more, but still there's nothing there. As her heart pounds, Beth turns back towards the mirror. In the reflection, the girl is standing behind her and holds a knife to her throat. Beth's face is entirely covered in blood which oozes out of scars, and her eyes are bloodshot. Beth screams and turns away from the mirror. She shuts her eyes and talks to herself.

BETH

This isn't happening, it's all in your head, it's all in your head.

Beth slows her breathing, trying to calm herself. Slowly, she opens her eyes and looks back into the mirror. The girl has disappeared. The blood has disappeared and her face is spotless. She looks around the room, and it's empty, just as it was before. She breathes a deep sigh of relief. She moves towards the bedroom door, cautiously opens it and peers outside. The corridor is empty.

Int. Corridor, NIGHT

Beth walks down the corridor slowly and carefully. She slides open the door to the bathroom.

Int. Bathroom, night

Beth looks into the bathroom and scans the room - empty. She goes towards the mirror and looks into it. Her face looks completely normal. Beth lets out a deep sigh and chuckles to herself. But suddenly a sound cuts through her laughter. A horrible rasping sound coming from behind Beth. She whips her head around and standing inches away from her face is the girl, who stares at her with piercing eyes.

CUT TO BLACK.